Sleepless Night

Last night was another pretty much sleepless night for me. My mind was spinning and I began obsessing again about my own mortality. This time, I am very convinced I have a brain tumor or some kind of deadly infection in my inner ear. I have been feeling light headed quite often and feel as though I can't even function like a normal human being. I fell asleep some time after 3am then woke up at 7am out of the blue, then I got woken up at 9:30am from a prospective employer- I have a job interview on Thursday morning. I am dreading it. My anxiety has been so crazy and I've been feeling so lightheaded that my confidence is pretty much gone at this point. About a half hour later, I got another call from another prospective employer and got offered a second interview Thursday afternoon. As much as I want to work, I am so afraid to. I feel like I just can't handle it anymore, mentally. Before getting laid off, I was having really bad anxiety at work and actually had to leave early because of it. It started to get more and more unbearable. Of course, my depression picks up from there and my already low self esteem continually gets knocked down. At this point, I want a job but I am also very afraid of it. I am afraid of feeling dizzy at work and uncomfortable because I feel that way so often now. I just don't know how to get myself feeling better. I called my Therapist today and asked if I should bump back up to 20mg of Lexapro (I'm on the generic version, by the way) to help me get through this week. He was mad that I had downgraded to 10mg without switching to Cymbalta. I am SO afraid that I will have to get on a new medicine that is really the last thing I want. I just don't know what to do. I am going to take 20mg for the rest of this week in hopes that my anxiety can improve enough so I can feel like a (semi) normal human being. I know there are other things I could be doing like exercise, eating better, of course sleeping better, etc, but I don't do any of those things. I am not sure why I am my own worst enemy.