Foggy

I don't know about other anxiety folk out there, but I spend so much of my life feeling foggy headed. Foggy/in the clouds is what it feels like any way. I'm physically there, but mentally and emotionally I feel disconnected. I often feel that more so when I'm depressed, so lately it's been pretty frequent. Last night I didn't sleep well at all- didn't go to sleep until 3am, woke up at 9am, then of course went back to sleep. Long story short, I didn't get out of bed until 1:30pm. I felt so depressed. Its so hard to say or know why- right now Im on 20mg of escitalopram so I don't know if the meds aren't working or maybe they are working which is a scary thought because that means I could actually feel worse- its hard to imagine that right now. I haven't felt myself since my wedding day. I worked SO hard to be there- physically and mentally- on my wedding day. I'm proud to say I did accomplish that goal- I was there, and I really enjoyed it. Then, on the plane to the honeymoon, all the sudden I got hit with a massive wave of anxiety that has consumed me ever since. It's such a bizarre feeling. Just when I was starting to recover and feel more like me, I got laid off. Two huge life changes within a few months of each other- and I have never done very well with the element of change, especially in the form of a surprise. So today I ran a few errands and overall felt very foggy, but I got what I needed to get done. I miss being connected though. I miss feeling like myself- the good me, not the anxiety prone or depressed me. Where did I go? Am I still even there, somewhere? I have to keep believing I am there and I will come back.