Lazy Sunday

Originally I was planning to watch football today with a friend (yup, I'm an awesome girl because I like to watch football) but she had to cancel because she got tickets to actually go to the game (I would have done the same to her). I found myself at a loss- where should I go and what should I do? I caved in pretty early and sent a plea to my in-laws because I knew they'd let me come to their house. I did wind up getting invited to my husband's friend's house, but I had already told my in-laws I would come there. I have realized how desperately I need to make my own friends in the area, or at least within a 20 minute radius. I have struggled, for as long as I can remember, to bond with people my own age. I'm not really into drinking or partying, so that leads me to feeling felt out of the loop quite often. I find that most people that aren't really into it either already have kids, which is hard for me to relate to. I'm just stumped. The last time I felt like I did well with making friends was graduate school, but I guess I didn't do as well as I thought since I have lost touch with everyone I met during that time period. I am an introvert by nature, and it takes me a LONG time to show my true personality around people. Around my husband's friends I am often very shy, which isn't really me. I am not sure why but I just regress into the shy role and hide in the corner. I know part of me is scared because my anxiety. I do feel like lately (the past year really) its hard too strong of a grip on my life. I haven't really been living. I avoid things because I'm scared of anxiety attacks. I never take risks. I've become a hermit in many ways. I don't even like what I have turned into yet I feel clueless and hopeless as to how I would start to change. I hate tis feeling of 'lost'- yet I am so familiar with it due to a life with anxiety. I know one thing for sure- I am wasting too much damn time and giving my anxiety too much control. I need to take my life back.