Nerves

Today was a bad day anxiety wise. My Mom offered to dye my hair for me (I started going gray at 18..most likely stress induced) so I met up with her to purchase the hair dye. I was so shaky and uncomfortable in the store. I calmed down once we got back to her house, but then I felt light headed again in the shower and like I was going to collapse any second. I also started feeling overwhelmed because I have a BIG job interview tomorrow- I am so scared out of my mind to get a job. While I want to work, I have spent the past two months not working and really feel off my groove. I have very low confidence and, after reading the job description again tonight, I feel as though I'm not qualified...but, I got an interview, right? I feel like I will have to "fake it til I make it" and go in tomorrow pretending like I own the place. The good thing is that interview are typically only an hour-90 minutes and I can usually power through that amount of time. Then, I can come home and mentally crash for the afternoon. We'll see what happens. Once I got home, I decided to jump into a physical activity and started painting our office bright blue. It was gray before (my husband's choice) and it just never really felt like my office. I decided I needed a bright happy color so I could come in, feel happy with the blue, and more like me. I haven't finished yet but I already love it. Once it's painted, I plan to decorate it to look beachy so it can be my 'oasis' in my own home- hopefully it will help lift my mood, especially in winter. I think it's important for us folks with depression to find whatever ways we can to be our own cheerleader. Sometimes I have to think "What would I say to my friend or loved one in this situation?" It's so easy and natural to be hard on yourself but yet be so loving and supportive to others at the same time. The hard thing is being loving and supportive to yourself. This is something I work toward every single day. I have an hour commute tomorrow, so I have to spend that hour telling myself good things and being my own best friend. Even if it looks psycho that I'm talking to myself in the car :). It's funny because my anxiety is so extreme I asked my husband what he would do if I completely lost it during the interview and they sent me straight to a psych ward. He said he would come bail me out. I guess it's encouraging that he wouldn't want to leave me. For now, I have to do some major prayer to help me be successful tomorrow and for any chance that I might get more than two hours of sleep tonight. My anxiety is trying its hardest to keep me awake, obsessing, and worrying.