Fighting the blues with the color blue

I've most definitely fallen into the depression 'funk'. I've been sleeping late and haven't had much energy, and my self esteem is at an all time low. The other day my husband mentioned that he learned positive thinking from me, and that reminded me of the person I was when I met him- I was thinking positively and was overall feeling happy. Somehow I have completely lost that. I look at my idols like Lucille Ball- strong, hilarious, and fearless- why can't I be more like her? Then I look in the mirror and realize I am my biggest obstacle/hurdle to my own success. Last week I went on two job interviews and I felt both went relatively well. Ever since, I have been obsessing over both jobs even though I have nothing to obsess over since I haven't heard anything back yet. It's funny because I am so afraid they won't call me, but then I'm also afraid they might actually offer me a job, and what would I do? I feel that with my very low self esteem, I am doubting my ability to succeed. I have also been getting light headed quite often, so I finally made an appointment to see a TMJ specialist this Thursday. I will definitely post updates on that process as well, in hopes to help anyone else out there with similar experiences. My symptoms are that my left ear always feels full, my jaw is sore every day and it clicks often. I am hopeful that Thursday will be a positive first step in the right direction. I have also been getting light headed which is made worse by exercise, but of course exercise helps anxiety and depression so I've been caught in a predicament. I'm hoping to be able to start exercising once I can get this dizziness figured out. About the color blue- I decided last week to paint our garden beds in our back yard a very pretty bright blue. I bought a gallon of paint, so I had a ton left over. Once I was done I realized I would like to paint our home office the same pretty blue. My husband had it painted gray which I didn't mind, but when I moved in he told me this could be my room- and I appreciated that but I never did anything about it to make it feel me. Finally- it took me over a year, but I feel like I did something to help the room feel more me. Plus, it's such a beautiful and uplifting color that I'm hopeful it will help lift my mood when I come into this room.