The Ego Has Landed

The above saying is what I used to say about myself that I still feel is relevant today. I am, in fact, an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Perfect example. I recently went to two interviews with the same company. After the first interview I liked most things about it, but wasn't sure if the position was right for me. During the second interview it was revealed I'd be working in a different office location than I initially expected- and I did not like that. Plus I was still questioning the job. I had the feeling I wouldn't be getting an offer, and I felt in my gut that it wasn't the right position for me.

Today I received my official (and sterile) rejection email. Since seeing that email my ego has felt bruised- why didn't they want ME? Even if I really didn't want them, they should have wanted me. My mind starts to spin, wondering what they said about me in post-interview conversation and why they ultimately chose someone else. For the second interview they had me go through the process of delivering a presentation- which I went to the Library and paid to have color handouts printed for- so now I find myself bitter and resentful toward the sterile email they sent in response. Gee, thanks for the appreciation! Again, the constant need for approval and recognition from others is so strong- my ego craves it. My ego runs my mind like a wild beast, keeping me miserable.

I need to learn how to let go of my ego's desires to achieve true peace and happiness.

The Beauty of Pets

I have two cats which I am pretty obsessed with- they're my babies. Of course people call me Crazy Cat Lady but I'd like to think I'd be just as crazy about any pet I owned whether it be dog, bird, reptile, or etc. I believe that animals have beautiful souls and teach us so much- they are very loving, unconditionally, and they do not judge us even when we're at our worst. When we mess up (forgetting to give them attention) or etc, they forgive us and still love us. We humans have so much we could learn from animals. Both of my cats show me this unconditional love and I am truly grateful. They both let me know that they want and value my attention, and they often purr when they get it. There is not much more soothing in the world then a cat's purr.

So, this is my quick Public Service Announcement (PSA) for pets- no matter what kind. They are both also rescues which was very rewarding to know they have upgraded to a much better life than that of what would have been on the street/outside. I'm not sure if my two cats will ever understand how much they mean to me. I do believe in many ways that they are very wise souls- so perhaps they already do.

Facebook Detox

So I had been thinking for some time that I needed to break up with Facebook/detox from it. I had come to a few realizations:

1. I was too addicted, checking multiple times per day
2. Nearly 100% of the time I'd find a picture or post that would ignite the massively insecure part of my brain
3. The crappy feeling/self sabotage effect of #2 had also become an addiction

I was also inspired by a friend who did the Facebook detox a few months ago. I found myself wanting to start at the same time but feeling like I couldn't. I had let myself believe, at some level, that I needed it and it needed me. A very unhealthy codependent relationship- with something that doesn't have feelings.

So I'm on Day 2 of my detox and so far I'm pretty amazed how frequently the urge has stuck me throughout both days. I will have to take it one day at a time, and I plan to use helpful tools such as this blog to give me something more productive to do when the urge strikes. I am not at all saying Facebook is a bad thing. My mindset around Facebook had become quite destructive for me. Moving forward in a positive direction. At this point I am not sure if I will rejoin after the 28 day hiatus. Taking that one day at a time.