Case of the Mondays

Today I woke up with a "Case of the Mondays" which was odd for three reasons: 1. I no longer go to school, 2. I don't work right now, and 3. It was Labor Day so even if I did work I would most likely have the day off. Any way, for some odd reason, I just felt off (which is kind of normal for me). We were set to have lunch with my husband's family (I know right, somehow I got married) and my anxiety decided to set in on the car ride over there. My head was so foggy and my stomach was cramping and hurting me. I freaked out in the car telling my husband I couldn't go in and I was going to go to my parent's house which was nearby and (essentially) hide. Somehow my lovely husband helped calm me down enough to get me to agree to go to lunch. We walked into the restaurant and I was literally shaking on the inside, luckily the table was ready for us (I probably would have lost it otherwise). So we sat down and I still felt super shaky. I quickly ordered a water which I didn't touch for an hour. With anxiety, I have found that my interest in digesting foods or liquids is extremely low. It really makes me lose my appetite and feel like I might choke or something. Somehow, luckily, I was able to eat some of my lunch and eventually took a few sips of my water. I still felt the anxiety adrenaline pumping through my body. It feels like some kind of electricity flowing through your blood stream but it's an electricity that makes you feel jitter and uncomfortable. There were definitely several times during the lunch I thought to myself "Okay this is it, I'm going to pass out right here in front of my husband's family, and then they're going to be really worried about me and figure out I'm crazy." It is amazing how, with anxiety, you can have SO much spinning through your head (on the top speed spin cycle too) but keep up with the real world conversation at the same time. Now that I'm sitting here writing this out, I'm actually quite impressed with that aspect of my mind. After lunch I promptly created an excuse why we had to go do something (I've mastered that skill) and jolted out of there as quickly as I could while still seeming normal to the outside world. I was in desperate need of a physical activity to dive into, so I started painting out garden beds outside once I got home. I picked a bright blue color for them and wow- I love it! It's so amazing the power of color- the bright blue definitely helped perk me up and made my mood lift significantly. I'm now wondering where else I can use this blue- we have an office upstairs that is currently a grayish color and I am thinking I may paint it that same blue so I can feel happy whenever I'm in that room.