Darkness is taking over

It's interesting because Spring is coming and there is more daylight outside yet I am feeling progressively more dark. Today I find myself wondering what, if anything, is the point to living. I cannot come up with anything. People expect me to be at this group tonight where I signed up to lead an activity- I can't bail since I bailed last time. I can't keep disappointing people and leaving them hanging. So, I'll go. Maybe they won't be able to tell how truly terrible I feel on the inside. Maybe, just maybe, it will give me the spark of hope that I secretly yearn for. I'm already overwhelmed thinking of the social obligations I have lined up in March and April. I have to have energy for all of this. Shouldn't I want to enjoy this? It feels very taxing and draining. I just want to lay down, in my room, alone, to be left alone. Truth is, I am not sure I will survive this. Everyone else thinks I'm great, but only I know the truth. This is overwhelming, and I have no idea which way is up.