All kinds of -ated

Today I find myself all kinds of -ated

• Agitated
• Constipated
• Irritated
• Frustrated
• Discombobulated

The weather is cloudy and rainy and crappy which is the perfect representation of my current mindset. Crappy. I also feel very lost- what am I supposed to be doing with my life? Why am I SO -ated? Why can't I just be happy? This is an all too familiar feeling.

I find myself thinking about times in my life when I felt happier- what was I doing? Truth is, I'm not really sure. There are times that I look back in my life and believe I was happier, but I am not sure if I truly felt happier in that moment or if I just think I was happier when I look back. I need to spend more time living in the present and trying to improve my mindset and attitude instead of constantly looking back and constantly worrying about what might happen in the future.

I just thought of this analogy for depression:

I feel like I'm walking in the woods and it's raining and I'm stuck in a mud pit. Physically I cannot remove myself from the mud pit. I start getting mad at everyone in my life- why is no one there to help me from this mud pit? Then I realize that I am the only one who got stuck in this mud pit and I am the only one who can truly get myself out of it. The first step is believing that I can. Believing in my mind that the clouds have parted and there is sunshine on my face. Believing I find the strength to physically remove myself from the mud pit. Believing I stand up with pride, look back down, and find it hard to believe how I ever got there in the first place. Asking family and friends for help while I work to keep myself away from the mud pit, which constantly calls my name as it yearns to drag me back down. This is the daily process of depression.