Mid Week Check in

So last night was really hard for me to fall asleep. I was physically tired, but mentally was wide awake and my mind felt like it was spinning all these negative thoughts. I took a relaxing bath and tried breathing in lavendar scent but I just couldn't get relaxed for the longest time. I had to pray really hard and ask for God's assistance. Finally around 2:30-3am I fell asleep. At 5pm is my first appt with a new Therapist. I am optimistic and cautious at the same time- how does that make sense? I am happy to be trying someone new, and someone who (I'm assuming) is faith-based (her office is in a church) so hopefully her value system is more in sync with mine, and hopefully she can help me with my huge goal of getting off medication in a healthy way. We'll see. I'm going to be optimistic about 2014 being a huge year of positive but tough change for me. I need it. At the same time, I remember how difficult it was when I first started this journey four years ago to find someone who matched what I wanted in a Therapist. I had to go to so many that weren't a match. So, as mentioned, I am optimistic but also cautiously guarded and well aware that she may be my first of many Therapist trials in 2014. I will certainly keep everyone updated along the way. I am also not 100% sure that she does both therapy and medication management. This combination (to my dismay) is very hard to find. Usually, therapists do therapy then you go to a Psychiatrist who talks to you for 10 minutes and wants to shove pills down your throat. Pills that are scary and have scary side effects. Pills that change your brain chemistry. My apologies as I do not feel comfortable taking brain-altering chemicals for someone that only talked to me for 10 minutes. There are so many wrong things with the way mental health care is set up as it is set up to make it very difficult for those who need the help to get it. Its confusing, expensive, and often you wind up going to a Psychiatrist who is more interested in the scientific effects in your brain that what you are really dealing with day to day. There are so many changes that need to be made and I hope to see some in my lifetime, including: 1. Psychiatrists and Therapists aren't seperate people, they are the SAME person. Therefore, to be a Psychiatrist, you must also be interested in talking with and helping people on an emotional level 2. Standardized pricing. Psychiatrists don't have to accept insurance and the really good ones charge $250 EACH APPT or sometimes more. This to me is absurd. There needs to be a reasonable price and/or they should have to accept insurance. 3. Ratings. You can go to Angies List or etc to find out about a Plumber, but you have to go to a Therapist or Psychiatrist completely blind. So, if tons of other patients have had a bad experience, you then have to experience it. This is also absurd and there needs to be a way to find out who is a strong, viable resource for patients. And this resource needs to be free. Those are just three of my initial changes, if I were ever to become President :). I will remain hopeful that mental health care will continue to improve throughout my life time, and that if my children (whenever I have them) inherit my depression and/or anxiety, they will have a much better support system through society.