Feeling Hopeful

So I recently tried out another new Therapist. An older male this time. His name is Robert and he has a very warm energy about him. I liked his relaxing energy (and would like some of that to rub off on me!) and what he discussed in our session. He kept saying he could work with me to 'unpack' my emotional issues. I am so relieved as I feel that is so very necessary. This week I also tried acupuncture for the first time and WOW, do I suck at 'relaxing' or what? Of course I went in there sooo anxious. The acupuncturist (as most normal people would) assumed I was anxious about the needles. No, I'm fine with needles. I was anxious about the 'relaxation' part. You see, I have never purposefully meditated, or done yoga, or anything similar because the idea of 'relaxation' has always made me tremendously uncomfortable. Now I have spent 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, for as long as I can remember, in a state of constant 'on edge', tense, stressed feeling. That is 'comfort' to me. I define comfort as what I know, and uncomfortable is taking me outside that box. Well, of course she put the needles in, shut off the lights, and encouraged me to 'relax'. YIKES. My mind started spinning crazy fast, and I wanted to jump off that table and run out of the room. I kept trying to breathe and of course felt like I couldnt, and my hands were so sweaty and tingly. Somehow, I was able to calm myself down enough to not jump off the table, and actually slow my heartrate down to a normal pace (which it doesn't see too often). The Acupuncturist was impressed when she returned. For the next treatment, she asked me to turn onto my stomach and I immediately felt like I was going to throw up (one of my biggest obsessions and fears) but, as usual, I didn't. I made it through that treatment as well, finding it a bit easier than the first time to calm down my racing mind. Wow, acuopuncture stirred up a lot of emotional and physical reactions within me...my eyes started watering pretty much immediately and I felt energy moving all around my body. This was scary, yes. I'm still scared. Change is scary. However, I decided that this year I will take my life into my hands, and into God's, and do everything I can to get off medicine. This article for me, summed up so much of what everyone struggles with regarding mental illness, especially the meds. I highly encourage you to read: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-everyone-gets-wrong-about-mental-illness/ Here's to hope.