So Sunday night we went to my in-laws to watch Superbowl and they had some sweets which (of course) I found myself partaking in, then I felt my mood majorly dive a bit later in the evening and it remained that way through Monday morning and early afternoon. Luckily I was somehow able to regroup myself and make it to the gym that evening- and I actually tried a class for the first time (something I had been very nervous about). I was still doing okay then I had ice cream last night around 9pm, and when I was trying to go to bed at 11pm I found myself struggling to do so with an active, jittery mind and negative images spiraling through my mind. Instead of succumbing to them I talked to them and asked them to go back to where they came from and that they didn't belong with me. They have spent the past 32 years coming to me making me believe that I was weak and powerless, and I now refuse to believe that. I also tap into my faith and ask God to send in his loving energy to send these thoughts away. Will they still haunt me? Absolutely. However, I can choose the amount of energy, time, and power I give to their whim. Fighting back is difficult but I have found it to be one of the absolute best things I can do for myself. I also recognize the importance of limiting sweets and, if I do partake, to make sure it's earlier in the day and not near bed time. This will be a really hard habit to break but I will have to at least try.
Also, last night, Mrs. Doubtfire came on TV and it was the first time I've watched a Robin Williams movie since he tragically ended his life. I found it had so much more meaning to me than it ever did before. So many people who have depression and anxiety are also amazingly creative and funny people, gifted with many wonderful attributes to bring to the world. The world needs us. Please keep fighting.
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