Last night around 12am I finally talked myself into listening to my Yoga Nidra CD and attempting to get some sleep. While I found it very difficult to fully relax and engage in the CD, I tried. I fell asleep probably around 1am then woke up at 3am with stomach cramps from my period. I quickly realized I would not be falling back asleep anytime soon so I went downstairs. Lucky for me my favorite show of all time "I Love Lucy" is on Hallmark channel every weekday morning at 5am. I watched that from 5am-7am. I have realized that in my treatment I was neglecting humor and I am feeling the importance of bringing that back into my life. Humor is very therapeutic for me and making myself and others laugh is something that fills my soul in a positive way. Of course it's also one of the first things to go when I feel down in the dumps.
Around 7am I felt the strong urge to sit on our back deck and cry, so I did. I prayed very hard during this time asking for God to help me get through this. I am not preaching here but I don't see how surviving mental illness is possible without faith in something, whatever that may be. That is God for me.
I'm currently 'working from home'- I need to get back to the office today to get stuff done but not sure if that will happen. I'm still feeling very mentally and physically ill, and exhausted. I am going to resist the urge to nap today in hopes that I may be able to sleep at a decent time tonight. At this point, all I can do is try everything I can and pray.
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