Life's Beauty Comes In the Unexpected

Today I woke up feeling pretty darn depressed. I really struggled to get myself out of bed. I wound up getting up around 12:30, three hours later than I should have. I was due to volunteer and, as typical with depression, I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home, in bed, miserable. With depression misery is a comfortable state, and even though you don't like it...you don't want to leave it at the same time. Luckily, I forced myself to go. When I arrived, I unexpectedly had to lead the activity for the first time. At first it was a bit of a struggle as the crowd was sleepy (this is a Retirement Home, after all), but it did improve as I figured out what things stimulated them most. My favorite parts of the day I wanted to share via this blog. The first thing happened during a brain stimulation activity, when I asked the residents to name an animal that starts with the letter J. A man named Frank who is very nice but who is usually asleep during activities, perked up and said "Jackass!" with a big smile on his face. I certainly was not expecting that response, and I loved it. For a brief second, Frank was his young, funny self. It was so awesome to see his spirit shine through in his smile. Following my activity, a volunteer came in to lead everyone in a dice game which they play on a weekly basis. There is one resident in particular, Edie, who is in a wheelchair and usually does not participate in things. Her husband is still very mentally with it, and also in better physical shape as he does not require a wheelchair. Her husband inspires me every time I see him. Today was no exception. When it was Edie's turn to play the game, her husband lovingly sat behind her, gently guiding her arm and helping her to play. Whether or not she scored highly on a turn, he cheered her on as if she was winning the game. His love and devotion is something I find both adoring and inspirational. To me, that is true love, and it is beautiful to see. As usual, volunteering gave me uplifting energy and I felt much better when I left than when I arrived. Following that, I went to my parent's house and took a nice walk around the neighborhood with my Dad. My Dad and I hadn't spent 1:1 time in quite a while, and we had a nice conversation together. It was such a beautiful night out, and I really felt revitalized from my walk. On a different topic, medicine, I decided (for now) to start tapering off of the Lexapro. I have not fully decided if I want to try taking Cymbalta or not. For now, I want to taper off the Lexapro and continue walking at least a few times a week, then see how I feel. So, I'm currently down from 20mg of Lexapro to 10mg daily. As mentioned in my previous post, I received guidance from my Therapist on how to wean myself off before doing this. I will share my experiences and emotions during this journey as just a FYI for anyone curious. In general, I really enjoy talking about my experiences in hopes that it might help someone else feeling the same way. Depression feels so evil sometimes, so that is where prayer is so essential to keep the power of good in your life and in your mind. I am striving to do just that.