The Daily Battle

Today has me thinking about the daily battle I have with anxiety and depression. I'm at work but every ounce of me wants to just go home, lay down, and go to sleep. The only thing keeping me here at work is knowing I have bills and responsibilities to take care of. I don't want to be like this- I want to be an active person. I want to want to be at work and be a productive employee. Instead, my mind takes over and makes me utterly exhausted because I spend the entire day full of anxiety. Know the feeling you have after you drink too much caffeine or inhale too much sugar? I have that constantly, in my mind. Even though I'm exhausted, my mind races and my body feels the jittery caffeine/sugar feeling throughout. This happens even more at night, making it harder to sleep. Then it just continues snowballing and making everything feel more extreme. On a daily basis, I am battling against myself. Battling to wake up. Battling to get out of bed. Battling to go to work. Battling to stay at work. Then battling to not take a nap after work. Then battling to go to sleep. No wonder I'm so tired. I'm also realizing I can't live life this way, and I need a change. I need to not give anxiety and depression the power it wants, and the ability to make my life into a daily battle.